using other poems as templates

I wrote here about this poem by Marie Howe and gave my attempt at emulating the moves Marie makes in her poem.

Arisa and I discussed the poem in tutorial and she came up with a few changes to help.  But after looking at what I came up with I realized there was something wrong, that I wasn't getting much of what I enjoyed about Marie's poem into this work.  I decided to blow up the poem and take some of the pieces to make a new one I hope would be more successful.   To do that I decided to try and mirror Marie's poem in terms of the moves she was making so I tried to de-construct After the Movie.  This looked something like this.

Start by providing the setting and introducing the two characters
Provide an argument for the two characters that seems surprising (Marie's was you can love someone but murder them)
Then go back and forth on this argument in an interesting way
Further situate the discussion in the real world
At some point the speaker uses an old argument with someone and then goes internal
In the internal space uses quotes from famous people from a variety of fields around the argument
Come back to the real world
Have a surprising response to the other person's question that goes somewhere very different
Close with images and thoughts that seem to say something about the relationship of the characters

My initial piece had some of this but was missing much of the finer moves that take place. At a high level I had an argument but it wasn't as surprising and took a while to develop, I also a situation and some quotes. But not nearly the internal stuff or the surprising mis-interpretation of the question.  I threw out much of the dialogue that I had written and focused on the movement like Marie's.  I'm not saying mine is as interesting, I wish it was but it is closer than my first attempt.  I decided to shift gears for the ending, using the quotes idea but having various speakers say them to move the poem to termination.

I'm workshopping the result of this work today. I am also hoping I have moved far enough from the original structure that I have created my won work

Dialogue Prompt

This poem is a response to the prompt "write a dialogue", It's something I wrote earlier this school year but took the prompt as an invitation to edit it further

After A Walk By Lake Merritt

She says she thinks it’s more about what we are called by,

some confusion about the politics themselves,

how mothers sometimes think the opposite or go by feelings,

she says she’s given up telling people what to do.

It’s one thing to feel sad it’s another to talk non stop about it, she says, something

I need to keep in mind I think.

I say like the Stones said “You can’t always get what you want but if you try sometime you get what you need”

She says I think I know the song but not that lyric.

She says she hates the bare hills, they make her feel claustrophobic. 

And in the sky above Oakland a super moon which the internet says won’t occur again for almost twenty years but we both remember the internet saying a similar thing a few months ago and we both know the rain is coming not long from now, we can tell. 

We stop.  Look at the moon. She’s thinking about when she’ll see it again like that. I’m thinking I’ll be dead.

Personalized Prompt Poem

My group assigned me this:

• a person poem human or non-human but it must be clear
• situation must be clear, 
• narrative is there is one non-linear or objective
• if “you” it must be an other not the”I’”

Here's the poem:

Dark Night Blues

You are my friend, F

I wonder at your choices

and wonder at mine too

How you choose to live

with too much

It wasn't always that way

Your simple chicken coop apartment

behind the old coach house

You remember that, you told me

that was the best time for you

Before you got all high and mighty

you used to say you got "mighty high"

A joke of course, you never drank or smoked

A natural high you'd say, just on life you'd say

and then run outside naked or jump up on the roof 

How everything changed with money

your big house, your fancy car

and no fun anymore, your employees

told me they hate you  A sadness comes

over me and it's you underneath 
all that stuff, still wanting to get high
and not able to get up 

Manifesto - Xenia Poetics

Manifesto for the Movement of Xenia Poetics

We are tired of hearing the phrases “accessible” and “inaccessible” casually tossed about as if we all agree about these words mean when in fact they are totally subjective terms. One poet’s accessible poetry could be boring to certain readers or completely inaccessible to others. We also support the goals of encouraging and welcoming wider readership to the poetic world without giving up the depth available in poetry.  To this end we propose the following for poetry that anyone belonging to this movement will employ:

1) The movement name Xenia  comes from the ancient greek word for the concept of hospitality, the generosity and courtesy shown to those who are far from home.

2) As such we will be accessible within this definition: an emotional through-line will be available to readers and the poem transparently demonstrates this availability with its content, word choice, syntax and form making multiple intelligences welcome.

3) Content comes first, the form must be chosen for specific definable reasons

4) We will utilize  sensation, feeling, emotion that the body goes through to infuse in the poem

5) Having said that we believe in the creative autonomy of the poet and when writing the audience is not with the poet, but is welcomed afterwards.

Our aim broadens the outreach of poetry without giving up creative depth and meaning.

Strangeness and poetry

This video has gone viral recently, it is a claymation piece of art by Kirsten Lepore.  People report it makes them feel both uncomfortable and also calm and soothed, sometimes at the same time.  It obviously is getting at something psychological with its strangeness, something it seems to me poetry can also sometimes do. Part of the effect is the intimacy this stranger establishes with the viewer almost immediately, I think that is part of the discomfort and then further intimacy is implied, including knowledge of the viewer themselves. So why to people find it soothing if still creepy. Though intimacy is established the creature seems to also be empathic and affirming. The music also helps. I'm going to maybe try and write a poem that works these same modes. If it is successful to any extent I will post. I have also included the Stephen Colbert sendup of Hi Stranger, it is not poetic but is funny

Hi Stranger from Kirsten Lepore on Vimeo.